Waiting In Faith Is A High Form Of Worship

“You’re almost there.”

This was God’s audible reply to me as I walked on my lunch hour, and precisely at the moment of my tearful prayer for His help to keep waiting in faith.  “Father, I believe you’ll do what you promised.  Please help me to wait in faith.”

There have been many times since our son Parker was stillborn last October when I felt overwhelmed by the enemy’s barrage of lies and temptations to doubt and give up hoping in God.  This was one of those moments, but more intense than all the others.  As I expressed my war-weariness and my desire for relief from the relentless assaults, I cried out to my Father to strengthen my faith and help my unbelief.

Then I remembered Jesus praying for Peter that his faith wouldn’t fail even as Satan sought to sift him and his brothers like wheat (Luke 22:31-32).  And I was encouraged as I heard Jesus say to me, “Kristen, I’ve prayed for you too, and your faith won’t fail.  I will uphold your faith.”

Just then, a cyclist came up behind me and as he passed he looked right at me and said,

“You’re almost there.”

I began to weep even more because I knew this was my Father’s reply, this was my brother Jesus cheering me on, this was my Comforter the Holy Spirit breathing encouragement into my heaving heart.

I am desperately longing for relief from the anguish of the physical labor I endured with our son Parker.  In John 16, as Jesus neared His terrible baptism of suffering at the Cross, He told his disciples that, “You will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me . . . You will grieve but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy.  It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor.  When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world.”

My anguish has not yet given way to the joy of bringing a new baby into the world.  Truly, I have experienced the tremendous joy of witnessing the salvation of my firstborn son and I will always praise the Lord for the triumphant joy of being united and reunited with Parker as we are now family in Christ!  This was the answer to my greatest prayer.

And yet as I linger here, I cannot help but daily bear the anguish of laboring to bring forth a child whose cries and laughter I never heard, whose colorful eyes I never saw opened, whose breath I never felt on my skin, whose smile never warmed my countenance.  My soul is still languishing and longing for the labor to end and give way to joy, just as Jesus described.

This anguish also corresponds to the Holy Spirit’s groans within me for the promised return and reign of Christ upon the new heavens and earth.  I know that God is making all things new, and until that work is complete Jesus will languish with me, ever-present in my suffering.  He is not silent in my grief.  He is reminding me of His promises and upholding me with His unfailing Word.

His Word tells us that all of creation is languishing with labor pains, longing for the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay.  And that future day will surely come when God will give us our full rights as His children, including the new bodies He has promised us.  We were given this hope when we were saved.  But if we look forward to something we don’t have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently.

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress for we don’t even know what we should pray for or how we should pray.  But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.  (Romans 8:19-28)  

We have seen God working everything together for our good when Jesus triumphed through the Cross over Satan, sin and death, and made provision for our grief to be suddenly turned to joy. His promise to return remains our hope: “So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy” (John 16:22).

Until that future day when Christ descends, the last trumpet sounds, the dead in Christ burst through the earth and we are all transformed, we must wait in faith.  This is a high form of worship as we effectively say to our Father, “We believe you are who you say you are.  We believe you will do what you have promised.  We praise you for upholding our faith as you uphold Your word and are faithful to perform it!”

We’re almost there, dear friends.  Let us continue to worship the Faithful One as we wait in faith.

Photo by Dino amad ali, used via Creative Commons license

First Update On Our Forthcoming Full Length Worship Record

Our son Parker David Gilles was born and died on October 21, 2012. We have grieved deeply, but God has also shown us the depth and riches of His love through His Word and Spirit. He also poured out His love upon us through our families, through everyone at Sojourn Community Church, and through people around the world.

Last, He gave us new songs to express our heart’s cry, and the Holy Spirit’s work in us. Just as God has assured us that He has saved Parker, He asked us to share these songs of faith, lament, comfort, healing and mission with all God’s people. We’ve been working on arrangements with our friend Jonatan Barahona, a fabulous arranger, Sojourn Music intern, Southern Seminary student (and teacher), and pianist for Christine D’Clario, Ingrid Rosario, Sovereign Grace, the Norton Hall Band and Sojourn. Jonatan will lead a band of musician friends who will help bring these songs to life, so we can share them with you next spring.

Bobby and I will dedicate this album to the universal Church, to all who are hurting and all who are on mission for Christ, and most of all, to our good and gracious God who has brought our Parker to His glorious presence, forever. We’ll make it available on CD and in all the major digital stores like iTunes and Amazon.

We will keep you updated on the progress of this record, and we ask for your prayers during this process.

New Articles On Biblical Lament And Growing As A Worship Leader

Kristen and I are guest bloggers at two of our favorite websites today.

Kristen has written 3 Key Ways To Grow As A Worship Leader at ChristianMusicBlog.com. An excerpt:

“Being faithful to grow as worship leaders and musical servants doesn’t mean we all start in the same place or are expected to make the same progress. We can’t all be Chris Tomlin or Matt Redman. And God doesn’t want us to be! Our God richly and variously entrusts His people with gifts and opportunities which are to be stewarded for His glory.”

Meanwhile, I wrote Recovering The Lost Practice Of Lament in the worship blog at TheGospelCoalition.org. An excerpt:

“Can you imagine that, at your church, in any given service, there might be a marriage or two in trouble? What about someone who has been struggling with sexual temptation in the workplace? Teens who are drifting away from the family and from the faith?”

If you are a worship leader or pastor, we hope you’ll find these articles useful for ministry. And we hope that all of you, regardless of your place in the body of Christ, will find them encouraging.

Shattered iPhone, Shattered Life, Shiny Penny And Sacred Promise

Ask me what you can purchase for a penny and I’ll tell you about my new iPhone. That’s right, I got it for a single penny.  One cent.  You can’t even get a piece of gum for that price anymore!

Ask me what my God can do with the shattered ruins of your life and I’ll also tell you about my new iPhone.

Recently, while heading to my garage with keys, sunglasses and phone in hand, I fumbled my phone and it fell facedown onto our concrete sidewalk.  When I picked it up the glass screen was completely shattered.  The broken glass was still in place, but it was split with a hundred lines like a brilliant lighting-lit sky.  It stopped me in my tracks as I wondered if I’d still be able to use my phone until I could get a replacement, and as I speculated about the expense of such a replacement.

I was thankful that Bobby, who witnessed the phone-shattering trauma, didn’t give me a disappointed look or even tell me I should have been more careful.  He just smiled and said, “Well, that happens sometimes.”  We carried my distressed phone to the car and when we returned home later that evening, I wrapped it with clear packing tape.

I told Bobby that the sudden phone-shattering was much like the sudden shattering of our lives when our son Parker was stillborn last October.  But as we marveled at my shattered phone screen still in place and now securely held together by the strong tape, we also saw a picture of how God had been firmly holding together our shattered life and dreams, and we trusted again in His promise to make everything new.  We remembered again that our God has not failed.

And to further prove this to us, the next day He provided a replacement iPhone for the ridiculously low price of a penny. He even threw in free overnight shipping! I know it wasn’t a coincidence that I was eligible for an upgraded phone and that the only one available was refurbished and cost just a penny. I know I didn’t randomly get transferred to the rep who compassionately offered me free overnight shipping (a $15 value).  God was working everything together for my good.  God is working everything together for our good.

This providential event isn’t just about getting a new and better phone.  It’s about gaining understanding of God’s ways.  It’s about knowing Him and His heart for me.  It’s about us being inspired by His goodness and generosity to worship and celebrate His name.  It’s about realizing again that this is what God can do with shattered dreams and circumstances.  He holds everything (it’s all broken) together with His Word.  He IS making everything new.  What does it cost us but to trust His Word, cling to His promises and lean on His love?

Since this is our reality in Christ who has secured our redemption, and since we have these very great and precious promises from our Father, let us worship Him by waiting in faith for Him to do what He said He would do.  We honor Him by waiting patiently, signifying our trust in His flawless character and Word.  We love Him by obediently waiting in hope for Him to come and save us, just as He promised.

Kristen And Bobby Gilles Featured On Christian Music Blog Podcast

The Christian Music Blog with Nate Fancher has quickly become one of my favorite blogs on the web. Besides the text-based blog, Nate also publishes a podcast episode each Friday. Today, Nate has published a podcast interview he conducted recently with Kristen and me. We were honored to get to know Nate and to converse with him about worship, songwriting, and life. We answer questions like:

• How we met
• Plans for Kristen’s upcoming full-length worship record
• Our thoughts on the state of contemporary worship music
• Co-writing and collaboration
• The songwriting and music culture at our church, Sojourn.

and more. You can stream or download here from the CMB website (and read the podcast notes), or subscribe to the Christian Music Blog podcast in iTunes.

How To Bear With Loss … And The Waiting

“I don’t like losing things!” I playfully shouted to Bobby on a recent evening after misplacing a new tube of Chapstick.  And then my heart came pouring out unexpectedly as I uttered,

“I don’t like losing babies and I don’t like losing my Chapstick!”

Tragic losses make little losses more difficult. I’ve felt the same way about plants withering and dying under my care.  “I can’t even keep this plant alive.  My son died in my care; it’s no wonder this plant did too.”  I’ve been tempted to believe this lie many times since our son Parker was stillborn In 2012.

Tragic loss changes the way you relate to everything.  There is nothing in my life that is not presently touched by the absence of my son.  I am reminded at least 100 times a day (it seems) that I am separated from my son, that my womb is empty, that something is missing in my life here. Conversely, every found object and every flourishing plant greatly encourages my heart.  In light of the tragic loss, these little victories are a much bigger deal than they normally would be.

But I’m tempted to credit myself for these wins, in the same way that I incorrectly attribute the losses to my inability to sustain life. When I forget God — that He holds everything together and has written all of our days in His book before a single day ever passes — and when I forget that He is the Author and Giver of Life, I’m tempted to think that I can and should hold everything together.

• I’m tempted to believe that I failed as a mother to give my son life. 
• I’m tempted to believe that I didn’t measure up as a mom and that’s why my son isn’t here and why my womb is still empty. 
• I’m tempted to fret and worry about the outcome of my life and the future of my family. 
• And I’m tempted to believe the lie that God is not for me and working everything together for my good.

But when I remember God — that He holds everything together, and that He authored Parker’s life and saw him before he was born, and that He carried him safely to live forever in heaven — then every reminder of Parker’s absence here becomes a signpost of the salvation God has accomplished and the redemption and renewal that He has promised.  Every resemblance of the loss reflects the reality of Heaven and the life that we have now and forever in Christ.

He has taken my son to live forever with Him there.  He has promised to return and take me home too. This is why and how we praise the Lord who keeps track of all of our sorrows, treasures our tears and makes us fruitful in this land of suffering.  God is with us.  God is for us.  God has promised to keep us ever in His care.  God has promised to return for us.  God has promised to make everything new.

So while we’re tempted to believe the lies of our enemy as we groan and wait in this dying world, we must remember our God, who cannot lie and who will not fail to prove all of His words true.  We must remember God, our help in ages past and our hope for years to come!

Losing someone you love is hard. Waiting to be reunited with them is harder. We have all lost something precious, and we all long and wait for restoration, redemption and rejoicing.  We can’t control what we’re given or what we lose.  We can’t control how long we wait for such gifts to be given, for wrongs to be righted, for Christ to return.  We are not the Author of life.  We are not sovereign.  But we are carried by the Sovereign God, the Author of life, the Giver of all good gifts.

We have been carried by Him from before we were born.  We will be carried by Him until the day He wipes away all of our tears.

I don’t like losing things.  But I’m thankful for what God allows us to gain through loss.  As I think about tragic loss, as I’m reminded of my son’s absence at every turn, I also think about gaining fellowship with Christ and experiencing the power of His resurrection.  When I think about losing my life, I will think about finding it in Christ.

I will think of Jesus who for the joy set before Him gave up His life and endured the cross, despising its shame, for me.  I will think of the Good Shepherd who seeks and finds lost sheep and promises not to lose any of those God has given to Him.  And as I ponder all of these things, I will praise the Lord who carries me and holds everything together by His Word.

“Listen to Me . . . I have cared for you since you were born.  Yes, I carried you before you were born.  I will be your God throughout your lifetime – until your hair is white with age.  I made you, and I will care for you.  I will carry you along and save you. . . . Do not forget this!  Keep it in mind! . . . Remember the things I have done in the past.  For I alone am God!  I am God and there is none like Me.  Only I can tell you the future before it even happens.  Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.”  (Isaiah 46:3-4; 8-10)

Strength To Worship In Every Season

For the last eight months since our son Parker was stillborn, Bobby and I have endured some very difficult situations.  There have been many “normal” life situations that could have been unbearable if not for the presence and grace of God.  He has been, is and will be our endless supply of strength and fortitude.  He has answered countless prayers for courage and for help rejoicing with those around us who are rejoicing to receive their babies alive and healthy.

That’s how we’ve been able to keep showing up, keep smiling, keep singing, keep writing, keep hoping, and keep welcoming more and more babies of our growing church and Smith/Gilles families.  All of these gestures are genuine because God goes before us, follows us, and remains constantly with us as He makes our way perfect and bears our sorrows on His own back.

We know that God is acutely aware of our sorrow and the challenges of being separated from our son, but it is encouraging to know that others are aware too.  This thoughtfulness is not at all lost on us. Thank you, dear brothers and sisters, for your continued thoughtfulness and prayers.

We know that many of you are suffering greatly and enduring hardships of many kinds.  It is an honor to be joined with you in Christ and we trust Him to intercede perfectly on your behalf through all who are called to pray and stand with you.  We can say with confidence based on God’s perfect promises that He will not fail, period.  He will certainly continue to prove all of His words true.  He will show you the wonders of His love and the riches of His sufficient grace.  We’re thankful that you will be given sharper visions of Christ through your suffering.  You will get to behold Him like many long to — but don’t get to — this side of Heaven.

Bobby and I regularly read Charles Spurgeon’s devotional book Beside Still Waters.  This week we read the following text and it stirred our hearts to persevere in praising God and encouraging others to do the same in their own suffering.  As much as we want to see you spared from pain and suffering, we praise God for giving you the grace to keep on singing and praising God.  We praise him for giving us that same grace to lift high His name in the midst of our own heartache.  He is faithful to help us sing when our physical and emotional strength fails.

FROM THIS TIME FORTH (Ps. 115:18)

“‘We will bless The Lord from this time forth and forevermore’ (Ps. 115:18). Our praise will never end. ‘From this time forth and forevermore’ includes eternity. We praise Him not in our strength but in the strength of grace. That strength will never be exhausted; it will be renewed day by day.

“If God takes you to the sick bed, if every limb becomes a mass of pain, if every nerve is a highway for crowds of pain to travel, keep on praising Him.  Continue to bless, praise and magnify His name.

“Even death cannot stop us from blessing God; it will only increase the heavenly choir and sweeten the harmony. We shall love The Lord more and praise Him better when our souls can speak without being hindered by our lips. Then we shall speak in a nobler and sweeter language before the throne of God:

 

My God, I’ll praise Thee while I live,

And praise Thee when I die,

And praise Thee when I rise again,

And to eternity.

Then in a nobler, sweeter song,

I’ll sing thy power to save,

When this poor lisping, stammering tongue,

Lies silent in the grave.”

This text made me think of our son Parker, and how his soul has never been hindered by his own lips in singing God’s praises.  He’s never been backward about it and never stammered in speaking the truth about our Lord.  Even death could not stop him from blessing our Lord.  It only increased the heavenly choir and sweetened the harmony.  Oh how I long to hear our precious Parker sing God’s praises!  Until then, I’ll join my voice with yours and Bobby’s and all the saints singing on this side of glory, and I’ll look forward to singing that greater song “When from my dying bed my ransomed soul shall rise” and “Jesus died my soul to save!” rends the vaulted skies!!

 

Why Worship Through Pain And Suffering?

God is gracious to allow us to suffer with Him.  He gives us the blessing of mourning (we will be comforted).  He’s given us tears and the ability to perceive pain.  He lets us feel what He feels.  But His generosity doesn’t stop there.

He empowers us to endure suffering with the strength of Christ working in us.  He perfects His power in our weaknesses.  He fills us with the Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead.  So even though our bodies will die because of sin, our spirits are alive because we have been made right with God.  And just as He raised Christ from the dead, He will give life to our mortal bodies by this same Spirit living in us (Romans 8: 10-11).

God’s generous love abounds even more to us as He gives us His very great and precious promises.  He speaks into all of time with promises that are trustworthy and true.

“Look, God’s home is now among His people! He will live with them, and they will be His people. God Himself will be with them.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever.”

These promises are in the present, future and past tense.  God’s home is NOW among His people. He WILL live with them. He WILL wipe every tear from their eyes. There WILL be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever.  When we read these promises, we don’t experience “these things” as gone.  We’re enduring them now.  Our eyes burn with tears, we’re bent low with sorrow, and our bodies are dying.

But God does not lie.  He never fails to keep His promises.  God is eternal.  He sees all of time all of the time.  He is not bound as we are by the hands of time.  So He can speak to our present sufferings and promise they “will be no more” while simultaneously affirming that they “are gone forever.”

And we can trust whatever He says in whatever tense He says it, no matter what our present experience may be.  So we should always praise Him for what He has promised to do, regardless of when we actually experience the fulfillment of His Word.

“And the One sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then He said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” –Revelation 21:5

God is making everything new.  Do you believe that?  Your failing frame will be made new.  This weary world will be made new.  The crying cosmos will be made new.  Your loved one who died in Christ will be made new.  You who will die in Christ will be made new.  Everything will be new.

This promise is in the present tense: I AM making everything new.  It’s a work in progress, even though we don’t readily perceive the transformation.  Do you believe what God has said?  As you suffer trials of every kind, do you affirm and express this belief in praise to God who promised to make everything new?  Do you trust God to do what He promised?  Look and see and rejoice that God IS making you new and more like Christ as He supervises your suffering until the day you experience the promised reality of “no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever.”

How To Worship When Our Suffering Seems Fruitless

“Lord, in distress we searched for you. We prayed beneath the burden of Your discipline. Just as a pregnant woman writhes and cries out in pain as she gives birth, so were we in Your presence, Lord.  We, too, writhe in agony, but nothing comes of our suffering. We have not given salvation to the earth, nor brought life into the world.  But those who die in the Lord will live; their bodies will rise again! Those who sleep in the earth will rise up and sing for joy! For Your life-giving light will fall like dew on Your people in the place of the dead!”  – Isaiah 26:16-19

Why should we praise the Lord when our sufferings seem fruitless?  Why should a woman rejoice after writhing in agony, laboring with great pain only to hold her stillborn son?  Why should we sing joyful songs after burying our loved one who lost their cancer battle?

In distress we search for the Lord.  We groan.  We suffer.  We weep.  And it seems like nothing comes from our suffering.  It’s not bringing salvation to the earth or bringing life into the world.

This passage from Isaiah is literally true for many people.  It’s literally true for me.  Last October, I was that pregnant woman writhing and crying out in pain as I was giving birth to my son, Parker.  And at the time that he was stillborn, it looked like nothing had come from my suffering.  Since then, I battled the lie that I had nothing to show for my efforts in carrying him or laboring to deliver him.  I had not brought forth life into the world.

Yet, because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, I know that my Redeemer lives.  And because He lives, I who have been buried with Christ in baptism now live, and my physical body will be raised to new life at the last day.

So, I praise the Lord!  I command my soul to praise Him with my empty arms lifted high.  I declare His salvation to me, to my son Parker, to all who believe in His name, and I rejoice in the resurrection of Jesus Christ which is also our resurrection!  Because those who die in the Lord will live.  Their bodies WILL rise again! Those who sleep in the earth will rise up and sing for joy!  For the life-giving light of the Lord will fall like dew on His people in the place of the dead!

This is why we praise the Lord.  Christ suffered.  Christ died. Christ rose again.  After suffering under the weight of the sins of the whole world in His own death on the cross, He dealt Death the final, fatal blow when He rose victorious from the grave!  And He has promised to return and “remove the cloud of gloom, the shadow of death that still hangs over the earth.  He will swallow up death forever!  The Sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears.”  (Isaiah 25:7-8).

The suffering of Christ was not fruitless.  His writhing on the cross in agony and crying out to His Father in pain gave Salvation to the earth and brought fullness of Life to the world.  And He proved God’s word to us that those who die in the Lord will live.  He is the firstborn among the dead!  He has risen up from the ground and now joyfully sings God’s praises in Heaven where He intercedes for us and perfects our worship of God.

As we share in Christ’s sufferings here, although it may appear that nothing good is coming from our troubles, let us behold our Risen Savior. As we long for His return, let us praise Him for His victory over death and His promise to wipe away all of our tears.

“The Mourners” photo, top, used via Creative Commons license

Experience Redemption’s Story Through The Blood and The Breath

Less than two years ago Kristen and I became acquainted with the music and ministry of Caroline Cobb, a Texas singer-songwriter who lives, breaths and shares the biblical story of redemption. She had a dream to build a crowdsourced “soundtrack to scripture” — indie songs and major-label songs that tell God’s story. That’s what she’s done with with the Scripture To Music Collective.

And now she’s done it with an ambitious collection of her own recordings, The Blood and The Breath:

You can download it on iTunes today. You can also order a physical CD and even a companion devotional e-Book here.

Listening to this record is like sojourning through the topography and stories of the Bible, beginning with Genesis (as in “Garden”):

Pick the lies right off the tree
Your eyes are opened but not to see
Build a tower to the sky
You think you know, you think you’re wise
Melt your gold down to a god
Sell your soul to pay for your facade
Trade your truth for silence
I’ll let you loose if you want it

and ending with the return of Christ. And just as in Scripture, each song points to the cross.  Caroline paints the scene with roots music that makes me feel like I’m there, walking the dusty roads of ancient Israel and the hard trails of the wilderness. And her lyrics are both direct and metaphorical, as in Everything You’ve Heard.

You’ve heard it said, “Don’t you murder anyone”
But you carry your anger like a knife
And your insults like a gun

You’ve heard it said, “Don’t you cheat on your wife”
But your mind is a motel room
And you undress the other woman with your eyes

The idea for The Blood and The Breath came from a songwriting goal that Caroline gave herself in late 2010: to write a song for every book of the Bible in just one year, ending on her 30th birthday, November 11, 2011. 11/11/11. This album contains several of those songs from that year-long challenge. She enlisted producer Josh Moore (Derek Webb, Matthew Perryman Jones, Sandra McCracken) and recorded at Shane & Shane’s studio near Dallas.

You can get The Blood and The Breath in the afore-linked websites and from Caroline’s site. For more about Caroline’s music and ministry, see this interview I conducted with her last year.